Resigning & Counter Offers:

Why Saying “No” is Often the Smartest Move

Studies show that 80% of employees who accept a counteroffer leave within six months and 90% leave within a year either voluntarily or involuntarily. Just data. Why? Well, I have had the privilege of helping well over 100 individuals make changes in their careers. One of the most challenging times in any resignation is when a counteroffer casually knocks at your door on the day of resignation. It's a compliment, no doubt, because only the people who are incredibly hard to replace and valuable to the company are extended a counteroffer. However, it does create some doubt. Or at the very least, a moment of reflection.
I always lock my car when I get out and head into a store, but my wife will often ask me, “Did you lock the car?” and without fail, 9/10 times, I turn around and relock it, unsure if I did. Now this is obviously a lot different since no analogy is perfect, but the point is to make sure you are confident in the choice you have already made to leave. Here are a few, I hope, helpful reminders so that if possible, there is high confidence on the day of resignation.
I want to also just say right here at the beginning lest I sound too one-sided: there are very rare cases when it might be a good idea to take a counteroffer. This totally depends on the reasons for leaving and needs to be handled on a case-by-case basis. I think the following thoughts might prove helpful for such a case.

Why Companies Make Counter Offers

First, understand the driver. Counter offers are usually about protecting business, not necessarily about you, though they can be, so I don’t mean to sound rude here. 90% of people who make it to this stage have already had the conversation about changing something at their current company and have not seen it. They asked for the pay raise and couldn’t get it; they asked for that change in the process or software, asked for more reviews, or a closer project to home, they asked for better work-life balance, etc. The company was not making those changes, and that is why you are leaving. For them to desperately sweep back in with a higher salary, larger bonus, guilt trips, or promises to change now, doesn’t solve the problem…Because now the problem isn’t about money. It’s about the fact that they were not willing to give it to you before and needed this prompt to do so (and will they?). The problem is respect, trust, values, vision, and logistics. Things that can not usually be solved in a last call stage act conversation when the owner is now seeing your resignation letter.

Most likely, your employer is in a scramble to retain you to avoid disruption in the company from their perspective, not yours. Projects in flight. Open headcount. Politics. Optics. It’s rare (I mean very rare) that a counteroffer signals a new long-term career plan or a more committed investment in your professional growth as an individual from the company.

The Risks of Accepting

Professionals who stay after accepting a counteroffer often find:

  • Trust is slightly or not very fractured. You’re now seen (probably not fairly) as someone with one foot out the door. This can impact future raises, promotions, layoffs, and other career outcomes.

  • Growth is still limited. Raises or promises made in the heat of the moment may not address why you wanted to leave in the first place.

  • The core culture doesn’t change. If leadership, vision, or team dynamics were driving your decision, those factors don’t resolve overnight. Change is possible, but not probable at this point.

  • The loss of trust in the company that you interviewed with. You might now be seen as indecisive. A confident decision-maker is a desirable and valuable person.

    At this stage, it's best to simply recall the reasons that brought you to the interview with this new company in the first place. Is this counteroffer really going to solve those problems? Achieve those goals?… If it’s only money, then we know it’s not worth taking because of the list above.

The Better Path

If you’ve done the work to accept a new role, it’s been a race, and this is the finish line…honor that decision.

  • Exit professionally and with grace. All relationships matter in life, so far as it depends on you, have grace and peace.

  • Stay focused on your career goals, not short-term comfort. Look ahead as much as possible.

  • Use this as a launch, not a retreat. Stick with your decision, move forward excited, and leave your company with a good taste in their mouth.

  • Be the hero as you leave. Go above and beyond to end things well with your current company. Also, make sure to begin well with your new company; this can be tricky, but there is a steady middle here that can be balanced.

A Note For Hiring Managers

Counteroffers are part of the game. Great hiring leaders stay proactive:

  • Build strong communication from the offer to the start date.

  • Anticipate counteroffers and help candidates process them in a rational manner.

  • Stay present through the notice period — your engagement matters. Overcommunicate.

Final Thought

Careers most often move forward when you move forward. Accepting a counteroffer often keeps you stuck in old patterns, not growing into new ones. Sometimes that can mean (and does mean) staying where you are. But if it means making a change, don’t be afraid of the hard conversations. Do what you know is best, handle everything with care and tact, and press on. Everything will work out.

If you’re facing this crossroads, be clear-eyed about what’s really being offered — and where you truly want to be six months from now.

As the Proverb says, “an abundance of counselors, there is safety.” Talk this out with a few trusted friends/ mentors (hopefully before you get to a counteroffer). Think about goals, reasons, motives, and the opportunity. Get clarity. Then act with precision and confidence.

Resources:

Sample Resignation Letter

[Date]

Dear [Manager’s Name],

I hope that this finds you well.
I’m writing to formally resign from my position with [Company Name].

This was not an easy decision — I’ve truly valued my time here, the relationships I’ve built, and all I’ve learned. After much reflection, I’ve accepted a new opportunity that aligns with my long-term goals and the next chapter of my life.

I’m committed to supporting a smooth transition in any way I can in the coming weeks. Thank you again for the opportunities and trust you’ve given me. I wish the team nothing but continued success.

I am going to be starting my new role [start date]. In the meantime, I am fully here and ready to do all my work as well as any transitioning work I can do to make this as smooth as possible.

Once again, thank you so much for the opportunity to partner together these years.

Warmly,
[Your Name]

Resignation Conversation Prep — Outline

Opening the Conversation

  • Ask for a private moment (ideally, schedule it — don’t do it as a “drive-by” in passing).

  • Lead with gratitude:
    “First, I want to thank you for everything I’ve learned here and the opportunities I’ve had...”

State Your Decision Clearly

  • I think its best to be direct but warm — avoid long justifications or mixed signals or my least favorite long disclaimers:
    “After a lot of reflection, I’ve made the decision to accept another opportunity and will be moving on from [Company Name].”
    As they say in the film Moneyball, “they are professional ball players, just be straight with them, no fluff, just facts…” These are company owners… they understand these things.

Manage Tone

  • Calm, warm, professional — not apologetic, not defensive, not over-explaining. As Chris Voss states in his book “Never Split the Difference,” tone is everything.

  • Remember: You’re not asking for permission. You’re informing with care and professionalism.

Prepare for Reactions

  • If they express disappointment, acknowledge it empathetically.
    “I understand this isn’t easy news to receive. I care about the team and want to support a smooth transition.”

  • If they ask why you’re leaving:

    • Keep it positive and forward-focused: “This new role aligns with where I want to grow next.”

    • Avoid airing grievances or burning bridges as much as possible. I know rare cases when a president asks for all the negatives so they can learn and grow from this.

  • If they bring up a counteroffer:

    • Stay grounded: “I appreciate that I really do, but I’ve made this decision and I intend to honor it; I am committed to this move.”

Offer Transition Support

  • Proactively offer to help during your notice period.
    “I’ll do everything I can to ensure a seamless transition — happy to document processes, train, or support wherever needed.”

Close with Grace

  • Reinforce gratitude and well-wishes.
    “I’ve truly appreciated being part of this team. Thank you again for everything, and I wish you and the company continued success.”



I hope some of this proves helpful.
As always, God bless,

-Gabriel Johnson
Owner, Artisan Recruiting

READ INTERVIEWING TIPS HERE.